A Memoir #5

       If others knew our writing to each other then, they would have laughed themselves silly. We stayed only three houses away from each other, we attended the same school and later we sometimes moved in the same group of friends, yet we never openly spoke, not a word, to each other. We only wrote letters - lots of them.
       We grew up. I was in Form Four and you were in Form Three. Your popularity in school grew too. You were one of the school athletes, a prefect and the top student in your form. Girls even Chinese chased after you because you were so handsome and apparently so hard-to-get. You were the envy of all the girls. And all the while you were secretly writing to one girl - me. That was OUR little secret.
       The funny part of the whole thing was, after we had 'secretly' become friends, we became painfully shy with each other. We never dared to look at each other directly. I would try to steal glances at you in school. We were in different blocks at school. We could see each other only during breaks and assemblies. There were a few times I caught you 'searching' for me at the assembly. You were also stealing glances at me. I guess being young and self-conscious, we were unsure of how to handle this whole 'secret friendship' thing.
       Once, I did bring up the matter of our age difference, in one of my earlier letters. You brushed it aside, telling me not to be too concerned about such trifles. You were born in March and I in August. You said if we had been born in the same year, you would be 5 months older than me but if I had been born one year earlier, that would make me 7 months older than you. So, what's the big deal? Personally, I didn't want you to be younger than me. But all the same, I was glad and relieved that you were so grown-up about the whole question of age difference. It turned out we were both born in the same year. I had a double promotion once when I was in Primary School. That was why I was a year your senior in Secondary School.
       I remember one time we were at the movies. We did not go together. No siree! But you got the seat next to mine. You came in late. I could barely make you out in the dark but when I did, my heart leapt, blood rushed to my mind and face. I had to press my hands on my knees so that they would stop knocking. I din't know what the movie was about. I stared blankly at the screen wishing the movie would end soon so that I could run away from you. You seemed pretty composed and relaxed but later I found out from you that you had been just as terrified and nervous as I was. We sat stiffly next to each other for what seemed to be a lifetime for me and we said nothing, not a word. We simply didn't dare to! How silly of us.


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